far from heaven
Why oh why on such a beautiful summer’s day dark old thoughts rule my mind? Can I blame that Cancerian nature of mine, which often leaves me feeling lazy, sad and slightly mad without a good enough reason? Or is it the ego that is playing its tricks again, preventing me from enjoying life without expecting a thing?
I read an article by one wise man the other day; he was contemplating why humans are so seldomly happy. He said we are so very much into controlling the flow of our lives, that anything which doesn’t go according our desirable ‘plan’ makes us resist, go on strike so to say, in one way or another. He pointed withdrawal to be the most common way we protest against life. Withdrawal meaning denial, depression, addiction and something else I can’t think of right now. I must say his perspective rang a bell deep within me. However, I’m not that advanced to be in control of my own mind, yet anyway. So for today, it is what it is. My thoughts spin the wheel in what feels boundless void; I crawl under the bed sheets hoping to escape them.
I wish I’d figure out how to stop this wheel turning, for to linger in gloom is never a good idea; that I know. But how do I get my mind straight before fairies of darkness start landing on their crows? Oh yes, they’re already around. And I know they’re watching for me. And that thin line that still separates us, today, they’re watching closely, I’m sure.
‘I think I’m depressed’ I text Madam, a very special friend of mine, smart woman.
‘But who isn’t, girl?’ she replies.
This comforts me. I get myself out of bed and slowly move towards the kitchen; to wash the dishes and to make grocery list…